thumbnail

I Teach You, A Person Of The Alt-Right, How To Properly Conceal Your Nazism

3 min read from miscellaneous on 2019-09-30

When I was a dumb-ass teenager, like you I used to go on 4chan and think that GamerGate was about ethics in game journalism. Thankfully, unlike you I never went further down the rabbit hole after I realised that:

  1. You people are really mean, and
  2. You people are really dumb.

These are literally the only two things you need to be for me to not like you.

Anyway, since my departure I've noticed that you folks have gotten really bad at hiding the fact that you're white supremacists. At first I was interested in your attempts to use steganography and was looking forward to see if you could come up with anything clever. But upon closer inspection it's just kinda sad how bad you all are at it.

The most egregious example of this has to be using the NATO phonetic alphabet. Seriously, EVERYONE KNOWS WHAT THIS IS! You aren't clever by spelling out the n-word with it.

A more recent and particularly pathetic attempt would be the (now banned) subreddit r/frenworld, where a bunch of you drew your beloved cartoon frog Pepe as a clown and spouted a bunch of dog whistles (and just outright bigoted shit) in baby speak. I'm sure you remember this yes? If you don't here's a refresher.

Now, I don't know what made you think talking like children would make people take you seriously or whether you actually believed that no one would catch on to how you called a certain group of people 'long nose frens', but holy fuck this is just awful, like you aren't even trying. And I can't tell what's worse, if you actually aren't trying or if you are and this is the best you have.

Okay enough ranting, you must be thinking now: 'I GET IT, TELL ME HOW TO DO IT BETTER ALREADY!' First of all, you are WAY to close to me so STEP BACK and secondly, that's what I'm going to do now.

The following sentence will explain the easiest and most effective way to hide your hatred of minorities. No one will ever know that you hate 'the gays' or that you think black people are genetically inferior. It's a very simple method that anyone could do:

Stop being a Nazi.

If that's too hard (I don't see how it could be, but whatever) here are some other things you could try:

  • Cryptography: Encyrpt your messages! You could even use something like the Engima code for extra irony (I actually think this would be hilarious and implore you to do it). This is probably the safest way to make sure no one knows what you're talking about, but it requires a lot of coordination.

  • Actual good steganography: The Wikipedia page I linked above has some decent uses of it like hiding it in pictures and stuff, but I reccommend using one based off Natural Language Processing (NLP).

Something like Stegasuras would work really well by using Natural Language as a cover signal which makes it pretty hard to detect. It's an impressive piece of work which could have many applications, not just for spewing racist shit on the internet. But if you want to use it spew racist shit on the internet you can!

Look I know, I've done nothing but insult you and that's because I genuinely don't like you, but I'm doing you a favour here by trying to make you look less like an idiot. I know you wouldn't do the same.