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How To Subtly Include The Fact You Use Arch Linux Into Everyday Conversation

from miscellaneous on 2019-09-06 ↩ back

One of the biggest challenges faced by the world in this age is not knowing how to tell people that you use Arch Linux in a natural manner. The most common phrase when telling people this is:

I use Arch btw.

This can be a very versatile phrase all thanks to the 'btw' given at the end allowing you to say it during any context. Such as:

  • "Wow! What a cute cat! I use Arch btw."
  • "Do you know where the stadium is? I use Arch btw."
  • "Comment allez-vous? I use Arch btw."

As you can see these are all very socially acceptable things to say, with no grammatical errors. However you may want something a bit more nuanced and this is where I come in.

Today I, a person who has had social anxiety his entire life, am going to teach you how to live your dreams and weave Arch Linux effortlessly into your conversations. You will finally be able to prove how much smarter you are than your peers because you use a Linux distro that doesn't have a GUI installer. You will be invited to become the CEO of MENSA because they'll finally realise that IQ is a terrible way of measuring intelligence and instead measure it by how easily you are able to fix your computer after a sudo pacman -Syu inevitably destroys everything. And you'd have finally achieved something in your life.

Now as a disclaimer, because I actually do have social anxiety, I don't talk to very many people so these conversations may not be entirely accurate to real life. However, I have read enough Tumblr threads to get the jist of how most people talk, so I think I know what I'm doing.

Okay with that all out of the way, I'm going to be introducing some scenarios and how you can derail divert the conversation topic into Arch Linux.

Meeting New People

A very common topic people ask about when first meeting is their occupation. This makes it very easy to include Arch Linux if you're a software developer or do anything related with technology as everyone wants to know what Operating System you use.

  • Them: "What do you do for work?"
  • You: "I'm a HTML developer."
  • Them: "Wow, that's neat! What Operating System do you use?"
  • You: "I use Arch Linux."

Again this makes it very easy if you do work in technology, but what if you don't? Well in this scenario, in addition to your current occupation, you can tell them what occupation you actually want.

  • Them: "What do you do for work?"
  • You: "I'm a lawyer, but I hate it so much. I wish I was a PHP developer instead."
  • Then: "Oh that must suck hopefully you'll become a PHP developer soon. What Operating System do you use?"
  • You: "I use Arch Linux."

Easy right? On to the next.

Hanging Out With Friends

This one is a bit harder for me to teach because I don't have any friends, but if the never ending notifications from Windows has taught me anything, it's that your friends will constantly ask for Operating System recommendations.

  • Them: "Hey friend, do you recommend Windows as an Operating System?"
  • You: "No, Windows is not very good. Instead I recommend Arch Linux, it's what I use."

Now remember if you want to do this, you have to select the 1 option when Windows asks you "How likely would you recommend Windows to a friend?", because otherwise you would be lying and that's not good.

Paying For Your Bill At A Resturant

Many Americans are already doing this technique so it's a pretty simple one. Basically you just need to tip the server a very generous amount and take it from there:

  • Them: "Thanks for the tip!"
  • You: "No worries, it's all thanks to Free and Open Source Software like the Operating System I use: Arch Linux, that I am able to save up and tip this generous amount."

With something like that you could even go further and talk about the evils of proprietary software, hopefully converting the server to FOSS, thus doing two good deeds in one day!

Filing A Bug Report

This one is here as a breather in case the others were a bit to much to take in (I know this stuff can be pretty complicated). The great thing about bug reports is that the developer will always want to know what Operating System you use! Here's a sample bug report you can send to any developer (make sure to fill in the blanks):

  • "Hello, I have a problem with [software], it [problem]. I'm using Arch Linux. Thanks!"

This is great for desktop software, but what if you're using a mobile application? Arch Linux isn't on a mobile yet so you'll be lying if you said you were using it. Thankfully, there's a pretty simple solution.

  • "Hello, I have a problem with [software], it [problem]. I'm using iOS but I'm sending this report from my Arch Linux machine. Thanks!"

Sometimes developers will want to know where your sending the report from! This makes an easy vector to inject Arch Linux.

Flirting With Cute Boys At A Bar

Another piece of cake. Many boys will be impressed with someone who uses Arch Linux so you can just start with that.

  • You: "Hey did you know that I use Arch Linux?"
  • Them: image-alternative

And that's all! Now you know how to include Arch Linux into every single conversation scenario! I hope you'll be able to put this information into good use.